Thursday, July 31, 2008

Laugh of the day! 7-31-08


Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"

Laugh of the day! 7-30-08


A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1.49."The duck replies, "Put it on my bill!"

Laugh of the day! 7-29-08



A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.""There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

Laugh of the day! 7-28-08


"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 65," the newspaper obit read. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50."

Laugh of the day! 7-26-08




Very stupid robbers

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

Friday, July 25, 2008


Laugh of the day! 7-25-08


Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?


A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Laugh of the Day! 7-24-08

His And Hers Road Trip

HERS:Pulls off at wrong exit.
Opens window.
Asks directions from a knowledgeable police officer.
Arrives at destination presently.
HIS:Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a 7 -11.
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer.
Curses the night.
Curses you.
Curses the large slurpee.
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
He hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
He had to look up pernicious.
Couldn't find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary.
Couldn't spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all.
But she is laughing inside..And of course you're still lost.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


Laugh of the day! 7-23-08


What do you call a short psychic who escaped from jail?


A small medium at large

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Laugh of the day! 7-22-08
Funny book titles

The French Chef - by Sue Flay
Unemployed - by Anita Job
Off to Market - by Tobias A. Pigg
Inflammation, Please - by Arthur Itis
Handel's Messiah - by Ollie Luyah
Downpour! - by Wayne Dwops
Cloning - by Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring - by Lynn O'Leum
Neither a Borrower - by Nora Lender Bee
The Scent of a Man - by Jim Nasium
Is O. J. Guilty? - by Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses - by Ann Thrax
French Overpopulation - by Francis Crowded
Fallen Underwear - by Lucy Lastic
House Construction - by Bill Jerome Home
Yellow River - by Iam Ping
The L. A. Lakers Breakfast - by Kareem O' Wheat
Why Cars Stop - by M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows - by Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger - by Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing - by Andover Hand
It's Springtime! - by Theresa Green

Illusion




Monday, July 21, 2008


Laugh of the day! 7-21-08

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder"

65 Tips for Trips
(Preschool age and up)
By: Laurel Smith (Road Trip Mom)
Being in the car with your kids is a wonderful opportunity to spend some quality time with them, away from other daily distractions. A little undivided attention from Mom or Dad can go a long way toward a little person's happiness. It's sometimes nice to sit in the back of the van with your kids while dad is doing the driving and play these games right along with them. Many kids don't remember the days before DVDs kept them quiet on family road trips. But if you've exhausted all your movies, or you don't believe in using them, there are some standard car games you can rely on to divert young children.
1: I'm Thinking of An Animal
Have one child think of an animal, and then provide some clues so others can guess which animal it is.
2: Rainbow Game
Call out a color and everyone in the car has to identify something in that color.
3:Alphabet Games
Start with the letter A, and fill in this sentence with words beginning with A: My name is Catherine, my husband/wife's name is Colton, we live in California and we sell CARS!
4:License plate Game (One of many)
Find a license plate as far away from your home state as possible, or take the letters of a plate, LTC, for example and make up a phrase such as Love That Car or Lucy The Camel. The sillier, the better!
5:Give your kids an allowance for the day
Tell them that this money is for snacks, treats, souvenirs etc... but when it is gone, that is all there is. Help them learn to budget their money and make good choices.
6:Let your children have a map
Give your kids an opportunity to have their own copy of a map of where you are going. Show them how far you have come, how much further there is to go and let them mark it with a crayon. Every time they ask "How much further?” have them take out their map and see for themselves. You might also like to get a compass and show them how it works along with the map. You can buy wall maps, travel maps and travel guides , or for more fun, you can also print driving directions with a map when you click "get directions" at any mapping website such as mapquest. You can also try a Kids Road Atlas if you are going to be traveling across several states! Also kids who are old enough to read can help navigate with Travmatix. You can use this site to print driving directions along with a list of all the food, fuel and hotel options at every exit along your route. When they start getting hungry or need a break, have them check the list of what is available at upcoming exits!
7:MAKE a "map" of where you are going
Draw your own that has the major stops and cities, and a nice happy drawing for your final destination. Throw in a few simple drawings of landmarks you'll see along the way, such as a big bridge you'll or a mountain tunnel. A home made map is easy for kids to follow and gives them a clearer picture of how much further there is to go. If your kids are old enough and it's a trip that you take frequently, have the kids make their own map!
8:Mystery Writing
One child holds out his hand and closes his eyes while the other child "writes" on his hand with her finger. The first child has to guess what the second person is writing. Start with just letters, and if it gets too easy, play with 2 or 3 letter words, pausing between letters. There's no winner or loser with this game. It can just go on continuously!
9:Have bubble gum blowing contests
The weirder the gum the better. Get it at the rest areas and try all the different flavors.
10:The License Plate Game
Print a U.S. map off the computer and color in the states as you see license plates from each one. See if you can get all 50 states between Memorial Day and Labor Day. You might even record the time and date and the state where you saw it. This can be a family project as you build your "collection" of license plates together. Here's a collection of printable maps you can use for this game, or a simple List of the States to check off. Check out my article on the License Plate Game
11:String Figures
You just need a string or a piece of yarn for this one. See if you can make "Jacob's Ladder", "Kitty Whiskers", "Cup and Saucer", or play Cats Cradle! Here's a list of websites that have instructions and illustrations of all the old favorite string figures.
12:Play Cards
Teach your kids to play "Old Maid" or "Go Fish" or Crazy 8s. Click here to Print the Rules for just about every card game you can think of, and bring them with you to learn some new games.
13:Tell Jokes
Take turns telling silly jokes like Knock-knock jokes or riddles. This is especially fun when the kids use their creativity to make up their own jokes. Even a two-year-old can tell jokes! They may not make sense, but they sure are hilarious. If you need help getting started, good joke book for kids
14:Car Travel Bingo
Travel Bingo boards that you flip the red area when you see the picture on the board. Look for them at dollar stores or Cracker Barrel. OR, try creating your own by writing words or simple pictures of roadside items or road signs. Try a printable car bingo game such as the ones at the Moms Minivan Pintables page. OR, I finally found a place that sells the Family classic Travel Bingo online.
15:Plan a Stop Somewhere Wacky and Fun
Give them a road trip they'll really remember by stopping at some of those wonderful touristy places. The New Roadside America book is a funny guide to the wonderful world of some of the strangest and wackiest tourist attractions you'll ever find, and they also have a website. Eccentric America is another fun guidebook, which profiles hundreds of fringe attractions and quirky events across the country.
16:Magnetic Board Games / Wipe Clean Games
Some of these are an all-in-one kind of game pack, others are just classics by themselves. The car versions are nice because they are small and compact, and have easy ways to store the pieces so they don't get lost.
17:Counting Cows
One of my favorites. Count the cows you see on your side of the car.
If you pass a field full of lots of cows, you'd better count fast! If you pass a cemetery on your side of the car, you lose all your cows, but only if the opposing team calls "your cows are buried!". This game gets interesting when distraction tactics are used to either cause your opponent to miss cows on their side of the road or to miss a cemetery on your side of the road. A white horse can count as a bonus. The team with the most cows wins. Here's an article about
counting cows with some scoring ideas and cow jokes to tell while you play.
18:Count Other Stuff
Count blue vans, or count red cars, find 10 horses, count signs, billboards, police cars. Count water towers. How many people pass you on the highway? -- count them too!
19:Scavenger Hunt
Give each child a list of items to watch for while driving
The list can be made up ahead of time and adjusted for the scenery. Here's a sample printable list of items to hunt for!
20:Classic Board Games
There's a reason these games are classic -- they are fun! I could never count all the hours my family spent playing Monopoly in the car. It's my all time fave. (I was always the Banker!). Here's where you can get Monopoly Junior which is a great version to play in the car:
21:The Alphabet Game
Start with the letter "A" and find one on a sign, truck, building or license plate, say the word and then move on to the next letter. You can do this as a competition or together as a family for the younger beginning readers. The first one to get to the letter "Z" is the winner!
22:Read Out Loud
This passes the time VERY quickly in the car for the reader and for the family members who are listening. Great opportunity to read those Harry Potter Books as a family. If you can't find Harry Potter Books at the library, you can find lots of them dirt cheap at my favorite online bookstore
23:Sing!
Sing out loud from memory, or sing along to the radio, or an audio tape. Nothing makes families bond like singing together (you remember the Partridge family, right?). When you get through all 99 verses of 99 Bottles of Beer... you might like to try the next suggestion:
Get a good songbook with all the lyrics. It surprising how many songs you think you know that you don't really know all the words. Have a singing marathon and learn the old classics by heart. I have posted lyrics to a few songs that will get you started in my article about
singing on the road.
24:Car-i-Oke ....lyrics AND music!
Can't get enough singing? Need the music to help you with the tune? All-American Car-i-Oke is recommended by a grandmother who described how this CD & songbook helped her and her grandchildren not only survive but also enjoy a six-hour car ride. It's a karaoke kit for the car that contains CDs, songbooks, funny lyrics and instructions on "seat dancing." I bought this one for my kids, and they totally love the Blues section where they get to make up their own lyrics to a blues song. Hilarious. I recently took a 700-mile drive and caught myself singing to this and the kids weren't even on the trip with me!
25:Make a Trip Journal or Scrapbook
Give everyone a big spiral bound sketchpad and a box of crayons or markers. Each day of the trip or for each event along the way, draw a picture of what you did that day, or draw a map of where you went, and write about it. You can also paste in souvenirs such as brochures, ticket stubs and other momentous. This is especially good for trips lasting more than a day. See my article on Creating a Travel Journal for Kids for more on this topic. It has photos of a journal I made when I was 9 years old.
26:Battleship
You sank my battleship! Print this printable battleship game page to play this game just like you remember!
27:Slug Bug
Every time a VW Bug comes into view, the first one to see it shouts "Slug Bug!" and slugs the person sitting next to you (Not too hard though!). Of course, these days in the politically correct atmosphere, we like to teach "non-violence", so instead of actual slugging; we do a symbolic slug and just say "Slug Bug! -- Gotcha!" You could also play "Hug Bug" and give someone a hug instead of a slug!
28:Write or Collect Postcards
Get postcards at your stops to document the trip, and to write back home to friends while you are gone. Bring stamps so you can drop them in the mail on the road so they will arrive at their destination before you return home.
29:Collect Things from all 50 states
Collect pins, hats, refrigerator magnets, spoons or postcards or some memorabilia from each state you visit and attach to your luggage or for a special display or for part of your trip journal.
30:Mad Libs
Make up a short story and ask another person to fill in the blanks with nouns, adjectives, colors, places, etc. Now read the story with their words. It's hilarious! The story comes out different every time. Can't think of a story on your own? You can find them in books - Try the Mad Libs Vacation Pack.
31:Rest Stop Athletics
Keep a ball, Frisbee or jump rope in the back of your van, along with a picnic blanket so when you stop at a rest area, everyone can run and be free and stretch their legs.
32:Aluminum Foil Art
Give everyone a sheet of aluminum foil. Have them mold it into anything they want: animal shapes, Frisbees, balls, jewelry, crowns, headband, necklaces and masks. Be creative. Also a great activity for toddlers. For more ideas read this article I wrote about fun with aluminum foil!
33:Practice a Foreign Language
The car is a great place to practice speaking a new language, especially since you have a captive audience and lots of stuff to look at for learning vocabulary. Try this -- For the next 10 miles, everyone in the car may only speak Spanish (or French, or whatever)! Point out things you see in Spanish, say please and thank you. And if you don't know any Spanish, you may not speak (this will inspire your kids to learn some, or give you your very own version of the Quiet Game!)
Here are a couple of audiotapes that come with a book for learning French or Spanish. Try these:
Learn Spanish in your Car ror Kids! This one is for the whole family. Start with basic vocabulary and repeat after the speaker.
34:Have a Spelling Bee
See who can spell the most words correctly. Choose words that match the correct difficulty level for each age of your children and don't forget the grownups. You might like to bring small dictionary for word ideas and definitions.
35:Lines and Dots
This is that game you used to play in junior high. You make a grid of dots on a sheet of paper. Each player takes turns drawing a line between two dots. The lines are horizontal or vertical (not diagonal) and must be next to each other. If a player makes a complete square, they get to mark the square with their initials in the center of it, and they get another turn. The player with the most squares when all the dots are connected wins! Check out the Mom'sMinivan Printables page for a sample lines and dots page to print.
36:Lego Contest
Have a contest to see who can build the best item that relates to where you are going. Use a shoebox to store the legos, or large zip lock bags. Of course, there's nothing like a NEW set of Legos to really make some smiles.
37:Make Paper Dolls
Make your own paper dolls and paper chains. Keeping the stuff in zip bags or envelopes. Supplies: Paper, markers or crayons, blunt tip scissors, tape.
Or, try
Colorforms - Paper Dolls Comes with 2 paper dolls with stands, one reuseable play case, and two sheets covered with Colorforms stick-ons. About $7.48 at AreYouGame
38:Seek Out the Tackiest Places in America
Check out the tackiest places in America (link will open in a new window. Just close it to come back here). Here you can see previews of Carhenge, Extraterrestrial Highway, a Thirty-Foot Plastic Lobster, the Drive-thru Tree, and the Jolly Green Giant (Yes, we actually took our kids to see the Jolly Green Giant, and he is colossal!). Find cool sights in every state!
39:I Spy
Look around and pick an object you can see either in the car or along the road. Then give others a clue such as, "I spy with my little eye... something green.", or "I spy with my little eye .. something brown and furry" Continue to give more clues until they can guess what it is.
40:Twenty Questions
Think of an object, it can be anything as long as it is general. The first question the players will ask is: "Is it classified as Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral", or you can do "Person, Place or Thing". The players can then ask anything they want about the object as long as you are able to answer "yes" or "no" to their question. They try to ask questions that will help them narrow down their ideas until they are able to guess the object. If they can do it in less than 20 questions, they win!
41:Listen to Music or Tapes Individually
Have a Walkman with Headphones and tapes for each child if possible. Then, there is no fighting, and you don't have to listen to kid music for 400 miles. You can find lots of good tales & Tunes: Kids' Music & Audiobooks at Family on Board.
42:Cootie Catcher
Pick a color. Now pick a number, and another number. Your fortune says, "Today is your lucky day!" Just show them how to do this once, and you'll have an activity that will keep your kids busy and filled with creativity! Here are the instructions in case you forgot how, and a printable cootie catcher!
43:"Guess how far away that is"
Pick an object and have everyone guess how far away it is, then clock it on your odometer. Take turns picking the object or let the winner pick.
44:Roll of Tape
Tape is irresistible to kids! Give them a roll and let them go crazy. If you're really lucky, some of it ends up zipping their lips shut for fun (sounds almost too good to be true!). Here's a book that uses 4 rolls of tape as art to entertain - it's called Totally Tape.
45:Homework!
Ok, this is probably a dirty word when you are supposed to be on vacation, but you might be surprised at their willingness to do a few worksheets or practice their handwriting when they don't have anything else to do. Make a packet of stuff for each child to do in the car -- coloring pages, homework sheets, and in their box they have crayons, glue stick, etc....
46:That's My Car!
Take turns. Choose one of the next 5 vehicles that you pass (or that pass you) to be "your car" as if it were your very own. All players mutually decide if you are a "winner" or a "loser" based on how nice a car you "own" compared to the other players current cars.
47:Play Favorites
This one is a good conversation starter. Go around the car and ask each person his or her favorite color. Then have everyone think of different "favorite" questions for the group. What's your favorite... movie, flavor of ice cream, song, game, toy, place to visit, restaurant, book, animal, fish, etc. Be creative and don't forget to ask the driver too!
48:Give each child a "Trip Bag"
This can be a backpack for each child, or a canvas bag or even a big plastic bin that is used specifically for road trips. Kids can load it up with all their favorite road trip stuff and other toys so they can have it all handy and easily accessible to them in the car. You can even decorate the bag to designate it as their special trip bag and use it to collect stickers or pins from various trips. If you don't want to make your own, here's a cute site that sells travel backpacks for "Treasure Bags" for kids that are already stuffed with fun stuff for kids ages 3-8.
49:Have a Puppet Show
Do the show in the car, in the hotel, or anywhere, kids love puppets! Having your puppet "tell" the kids what's coming up next on the trip, or to tell them to behave. If they won't listen to you, maybe they'll listen to a silly puppet. Then give them chances to each have their own puppet to "talk" to each other. Search for puppets at Amazon.
50:Fortunately-Unfortunately
This game helps teach kids to look at the bright side of things in a silly way. For example, you say, "Unfortunately, there's a tiger in the car." Your son says, "Fortunately, he doesn't eat boys." Your daughter says, "Unfortunately, he's looking at me and licking his lips." You say, "Fortunately, I brought along my tiger-jaw-clamper." And so on, alternating between fortunate and unfortunate things. An added bonus - it's a real hoot to hear a 2-year-old use the word "unfortunately"!
51:Treasure Bottle
Prepare this one ahead of time. Use a large soda bottle or a large clean peanut butter jar. Fill it no more than 2/3 full with uncooked rice or birdseed. Then put in about 20-25 small objects (safety pin, plastic bugs, button, M&M, nut, bolt, paper clip, penny, bead, piece of macaroni, tiny lego, and other misc. toy pieces or stuff that is probably rolling around in your kitchen junk drawer.) Keep a count of the items and write down the number of items on the outside of the bottle. Put the lid on tight. Let the kids take turns rolling the bottle around in their hands until they find them all. Kids of all ages love this game. You can make more than one treasure bottle so kids don't have to take turns - put different items in different bottles.
52:Drink Cup Battleship
Your battle ship is the button you push down on the plastic lid of your fast food soda cup (ie..rootbeer, cola, diet, other). Each person takes turns guessing someone's "battleship". The last person with their "battleship" undiscovered wins. You can push the buttons back up and play again and again until the lid breaks. The game is fast and easy. Great for preschoolers and up. Read more about this fun idea here: Drink Cup Battleship
53:Audio Books: Books on tape or CD
When is the last time someone read a story to you? You can check out audio books at your public library (plan ahead and get on the waiting list since at the library), or buy them for your own. Audio books are better than TV in my opinion, especially in the car. This is one of my kids' all time favorite things to do in the car. Here are a few goodies to try: Tales & Tunes: Kids' Music & Audiobooks
Have an iPod? You can download audio books and listen to them on your iPod from sites like Audible.com or at Storynory.com where they have children's audio books online for free!
Classic Radio Broadcast Something new (actually it's old!) and completely different! One of my favorites is the 1938 Orson Wells radio broadcast of
War Of The Worlds with Orson Wells -- A true sci-fi radio classic! This one is probably more for slightly older children since it could be a little scary for preschoolers. Try OTR (Old Time Radio) recordings like The Lone Ranger, or Superman.
54:Road Role Play
Travel with a Theme Be pirates for your entire journey. Talk like pirates, dress like pirates (easier than you think), sing pirate songs, play pirate games, watch pirate movies, listen to pirate music. See my article "Pirates of the Caravan" for lots of ideas on how to make like Roger and have a jolly good time in the car.
55:Offical Count!
A twist on the usual counting games. Choose a couple of types of vehicles to count such as VW Bugs and and motorcycles. Tally them on a clipboard or in a travel journal and break them down by color. At the start of the trip, have the kids guess which will be the most popular colors for each vehicle. One reader notes that on a particular trip, her kids learned that most motorcycle drivers prefer black, while the Bug drivers preferred silver.
56:Rock-Paper-Scissors
The classic game. Players each have one palm face up and lay their fist on it. As they count to three, they pound their fist into their hand. On "three", they turn the fist into the object of their choice. There are three to choose from: rock (a closed fist), paper (an open palm), or scissors (two fingers in a sideways V shape). A rock wins by crushing scissors, paper wins by covering the rock, and scissors win by cutting paper. If they both come up with the same shape, they go again.
57:Who Am I?
Think of someone you know, friend or relative. Give a few hints like "She has blonde hair and glasses". Let everyone go around one time with their guess. If no one guesses add another hint like "she laughs funny."
58:Find 100
Choose a color or an object and then count them until you find 100 of that item. Popular Find 100 items are American flags, statues, rivers, waterfalls, churches, red cars, etc. A competitive variation has each person choose a different item or color of car that passes you, and have a race to 100.
59:The Green Game
When driving through towns and cities, look for a hybrid vehicle, such as the Toyota Prius. Then count to 45. Within 45 seconds you will see another one if you are in an environmentally friendly area. Play this to measure which towns are "green".
60:Sweatshirt Keepsake
We started a sweatshirt thing with my kids. I bought 3 XL dark blue sweatshirts and we get a patch for each place the children have visited. States, etc. The kids love it. They hang in their rooms and there have been times we have just entered a state so they could get a patch! They begged us to go to Nebraska (weird!) But it was wonderful.
61:One word: Gameboy!
This is an amazing toy that is perfect for road trips. In moderation theses little video games can be great motivators and teach kids a few things too. My son got his Gameboy when he was 5 and was very motivated to learn to read as soon as possible just so he could read all the instructions and learn strategies for playing those Pokemon games. Get the latest Gameboy games online.
62:Sew Your Own Travel Games
TicTacToe/CheckerBoard - This is a neat bag you can make if you're handy with a sewing machine. The bag becomes the playing board, and it neatly holds all the playing pieces when not in use. Here are the instructions!
Food Ideas for the Car General Travel Tips
63:Stay at Hotels that have a Pool
Plan ahead and only stay at a hotel that has a pool. This gives the kids a great chance to unwind and helps insure that they will wear themselves out enough to get a good night's sleep at the hotel!
64:Stay at Hotels that have breakfast included
Make it easy to feed the family and hit the road early.
65:Use plenty of zip lock bags for everything
Use them to store small parts of games, toys, crayons, for clothes, food, individual snack packs, wipes, and for storing dirty diapers when you can't find a trash can at the rest stop.

Saturday, July 19, 2008


Room with a veiw -

Who is excited for the new Glass Roof 2009 Shelby Mustang? For those of you who don't know what to expect... What do you think?
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